this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
