Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
