someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize