Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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