You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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