garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
