My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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