I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
