my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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