she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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