her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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