I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
