My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize