How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Randomize
