The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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