Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
