but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
