I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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