a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
