I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
