So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
