Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
