Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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