So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
