Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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