ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
