Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
