I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
