Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
