How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
