Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
is it fun? or sober?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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