lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
