Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
