3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
