Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
