I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We left the knife in your bed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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