How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
