so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
