My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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