I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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