I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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