sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
