so explain again why im purple
no
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
