Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
