Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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