Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
