New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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