??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize