I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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