you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sarcasm needs its own font
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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