Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
