I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
