Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
