Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
