Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
