let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can you bring me the toilet please
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
