It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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