I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
