just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
