Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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