One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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