Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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