Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
