weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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