just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
