update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
