highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
