you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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