Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize