Im at strip club and am horny
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
