SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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