she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
