I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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