i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's blow job season.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
